CLASSES & JOBS

One of my favorite holiday gift-giving traditions started with my extended family way back when. We call it Penny Christmas. It’s kinda like a glorified white elephant/flea market gift swap.

Each family brings a certain number of pre-wrapped gifts for the exchange. They can be anything at all, but there is one rule: nothing can be worth more than a dollar. (You gotta allow for inflation from the “penny” in Penny Christmas.) These gifts go in a pile. Then, beginning with the youngest person, go by age around the room, allowing each person to select a gift from the stash.

It can get interesting because, rather than choose a wrapped gift, anyone can pick a present someone else has already opened. Then the person whose find was taken gets to open-or “steal” another gift. If there is a lot of stealing going on, it can be very hard to remember who is next in line, because with each steal a new item is unwrapped by someone other than the person up for a turn.

As long as good-will is evident, this game can be a great deal of fun. Just try not to let anyone take it seriously-the gifts are under a buck-what’s to stress about? One Christmas, both my grandmother and I wanted a pair of matching dishcloths that had been wrapped separately. We each did a lot of maneuvering to get them. A gift may only be “stolen” 3 times and then it is “retired.” Also, it can not be taken directly back by the person who just lost it. So, if there is something you really want, and it has been taken 3 times, or just taken from you, you have to try to get an item wanted by the person who has it, so you can trade. (Trading after the game is finished is standard procedure for us.) I don’t know if either of us got the set, I know I had at least one. I just threw it away this year, as it had to many holes to clean anything. The “Dish Cloth” Penny Christmas is now family legend. Try it and see if it becomes a new family or roommate favorite.

I always opted for the less traditional whenever I took P.E. in college. Some of the more memorable were the bowling and golf classes I took. Those two have something in common–it’s all about your aim. I know just from playing Frisbee that I have a wicked hook when I throw-or swing. It makes for some interesting plays on the green, but you should see what it does in the bowling alley! I cannot ever seem to throw or follow-through without sending the object slightly-or at times considerably-off course. So I compensate, and that makes for some interesting moments as well. So, if you ever challenge me to a simple game of Frisbee, keep your eye on that flying disc-it’s not headed where you think it is. . . .

Search Engine Optimization (SEO) is still relatively a new world to me. I can now say I’ve had one year experience in the world of SEO. I definitely do not consider myself a guru or pro; I’m constantly learning from others what the most effective strategies are. With that said, here is a simple introduction to SEO.

The definition of SEO, by dictionary.reference.com’s standards is, “the process of choosing targeted keywords and keyword phrases related to a Web site so the site will rank high when those terms are part of a Web search.” There are many variables to keep in mind when planning your SEO strategy. The most hyped variable is link trading or link building. This topic has probably been the most effective and most valuable for webmasters. But the search engines are beginning to track the link trading systems and possibly are penalizing them for this act. Most webmasters I come across are a bit weary of link trading. But there are plenty of webmasters who will exchange links just fine. My advice is to pick and be a little choosy on which websites you ask for a link exchange with. Try to find sites with pages that have some relevancy to your website topic, so your link will be added to a completely relevant page even if the website itself isn’t the same general topic as yours.

On-site optimization is very important to SEO as well. Make sure you have your title tags and meta tags correct and search-engine-friendly. Also, when choosing keywords or keyword phrases for your site, research which keywords get the most traffic and which keywords have the most competition. That should always be a factor for a webmaster. If the keyword isn’t highly competitive, it may only take a short amount of time and less effort to achieve high placement in search engine rankings for your keywords. There’s a definite advantage to choosing low-competition keywords and you could be ranked number one in less time; the downside to it, however, is that those keywords may not bring in very much traffic to your website, and therefore won’t allow as many consumers, readers or clients to your site. Highly competitive keywords are very hard to get ranked at the top for, so you’d have to constantly be evaluating your competition and researching their strategies and patterns.

Keep up-to-date with the gossip of pro-SEO-ers. Stay on top of updates within the SEO community so you can be the most effective in your SEO efforts. What helps me in this area is to find knowledgeable SEO sites and sign up for their newsletters. That way you are emailed the news and updates of SEO world without having to go out and find it.

To sum this introduction up, keep in mind that I don’t consider myself to be anywhere near pro. I am merely voicing what I have found to be effective in my SEO efforts with the company I work for and the clients we have. You are welcome to disagree with anything I have mentioned - please comment and let me know your opinions and respectful disagreements. Thank you for reading my humble little lesson on search engine optimization.

No way to keep from laughing when I ran across this statement recently: “I had difficulty with this book, but I was paid to recommend it to you.” –Anon. by request
This brings up a question-why do paid endorsements work? I’m not arguing that they do, but I am wondering aloud how and why they work so well. Of course, some would be right to question who really gets the promotion-the company being advertised-or the featured celebrity? Hollywood stars have reached some mythical larger than life status and, like Frankenstein, their stardom has taken on a life of its own-bigger than the star or the image-if that is possible.

My speculation regards the desire of each one to be unique in some way. Each of us wants to make our mark, to prove somehow we were here and that we counted for something. Each of us, I am convinced, cherishes a secret assurance that no one else is as good at (fill-in-the-blank-here) as we are. The category changes from person to person, but it exists in everyone. So, this said, where does the desire to “fit in” come from? Most would not debate the point that we want to be accepted and valued on some level. Being part of a whole rather than excluded from it is important to a sense of validation as a person. These two opposites seem to be impossible to fit into one human, but it is my belief that they exist to varying degrees in each of us. I just can’t help but wonder why they subsist, since they appear to be so mutually exclusive. Thoughts, anyone?

There are only two projects I kept from my student teaching days. One is the portfolio showcasing how hard I worked. The other item was an assignment I gave to a class of third graders during a unit focusing on outdoor life and habitats.

I get more than a little tired of not ever hearing the other side of the story from the environmental slant that is preached to children from their TV, in song lyrics, and in their classrooms. I decided to spend a little time one day discussing the nearly extinct concept of lack of intervention. I tried to explain to these average third graders that, sometimes, it is best to just let things be. Some situations call for direct action, some do not. It is up to us to decide when to step in and when to step out. Nature has existed for hundreds and hundreds of years-without us AND with us. It is egocentric (I did not use that word in the lesson) of us to think that we always make such a huge and detrimental impact on flora and fauna. Sometimes we do, but mostly, animal and plant life just adapt and go blithely on their way, disregarding the whole human species.

Well, most adults cannot grasp this concept, so I don’t know why I expected youngsters to get it. They didn’t. The end of the lesson had an activity where I gave the class members small scenarios and asked them to solve them. In the game of please-the-teacher-even-if –I-don’t-agree, they answered just how they thought I wanted them to. This was the most memorable response of the group. I thought of the ‘controlled burn’ policy so common in my home state when I read this one:
Question: You see that someone has started a fire in dry grass, what do you do?
Answer: Let it burn!
Out of the mouths of babes, right?

I admit it. Try as I might to be healthy and save money, I am a total sucker for fast food. I rarely have the time or the skills to cook anything more complicated than Spaghettios or Ramen Noodles, and even those don’t turn out too pretty at times. I would rather pay more money for something fast, and save myself the time and frustration of making a big meal that is only for me. Call me lazy.

So imagine my surprise when I pulled up to the pay window at one of my favorite Mexican fast food restaurants, and instead of them telling me the price I hear this, “Today is customer appreciation day, so every twentieth customer gets free food! We’ll have that out to you in a second, free of cost”. Wow! In all my life I have never had that happen, unless there was a mistake on the order and I wound up with someone elses’ food. But absolutely free, no strings attached? That just upped my loyalty to that food place!

My most memorable college class was actually my very first one. Its title in the course catalog was “Intensive Writing,” but on our first day, included both on the syllabus and her lecture, the instructor made sure our class understood that she approached it as “intensive writhing.” If you are the type who is not into introspection, critical thinking, challenge or self-awareness, then her description would be correct. I’m sure I struggled, but looking back I only remember that I adored the class.

We read and wrote a great deal, but we had field trips too. I recall one outing that was designed solely to help us bond as class members. I did not mind the trust walk or anything else, but the “fall backwards and let your teammates catch you” activity taught me that I don’t trust anyone, but I will give into social pressure rather than make a scene. My fellow students did catch me, but I remember standing from that height, my back to them, fully expecting them not to break my fall. I only went through with it so I would not disappoint this teacher I revered so much. And yet, even with this little glitch, I loved the course. This one class firmly etched in my mind that, if you follow the words from Delphi, to “know thyself,” you must read and write and write and write and live and write again.

One of my new found hobbies after work is going fishing. I never knew just how much I would enjoy the dirty job that is baiting a line, sitting in the dirt, and waiting to reel in a big ugly fish just so I can pull the hook out.

So I left work, grabbed my fishing gear, and my friend Dale and I headed to the lake. We lucked out and found a spot that had a lot of fish jumping. “Piece of cake,” we think! So we throw our lines out a few times, and get absolutely nothing. Nope. Not a single bite. You know it’s bad when the fish are actually jumping over your line instead of being on the end of it.

“Well, I’m going to give it one more try, and then I say we go to a different spot,” Dale says. I couldn’t let him cast out and get one, so I threw my line out once more too. I got a bite! I start reeling in, and reality comes with it. I didn’t have a bite, I had a rock. I was stuck, hook, line, and sinker (pun intended). So I start jerking the pole trying to wiggle the hook free. After five minutes, I’d had about all I could take, and I told him we should just cut the line. But as a guy always does, they can’t admit defeat until they try to fix it themselves. So he gives it a go.

Me: “Don’t break my rod!”

Him: “That would be a bad rod if it broke before the line did!” SNAP! As my rod breaks right in the middle. We both stare at each other with open mouths. I’m trying to decide whether to laugh or cry.

Then, he just has to say the most perfectly wrong, guy-type of thing to say.

“Well, the good news is I got the snag out”. Oh that is completely um, wonderful.

Me: “Let’s see, my forty dollar fishing pole is broken, but the good news is I saved twenty cents by getting that hook back”. Yea right, and I just saved money switching my car insurance (Ok, I admit it. I didn’t switch my car insurance. That is just what went through my head). So I’m standing there, looking the opposite way from my poor splintered pole, when he says,

“You aren’t going to believe this…You have a fish!”

Drum roll please…I would like to introduce the new world-record holder fish. Yup folks, there he is in all his glory. My smaller-than-my-hand Green Sunfish. I believe I just caught the world’s smallest fish! This pretty little fella took my line, managed to get under a rock, get stuck and be violently jerked on, and he still lived to tell the tale. Now I can rightfully brag to everyone my sweet fishing skills, or lack thereof!

Next time you have an embarrassing verbal moment, think of these and remember that words are slippery things, and we all have some fumbles. A boss of mine during my college years made this lament whenever she tried to communicate with the younger generation, “Communication is an art; and I don’t have a paintbrush!” Language is ever-changing, and keeping up can be a challenge.

A friend who was into drama told of a girl’s audition for a singing part. She chose to sing “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off,” by Irving Berlin. To get the full effect, bear with me while I spell phonetically. As this would-be artist sang the song, instead of pronouncing the words ‘potato’ and ‘po-tah-to,’ ‘tomato,’ ‘tom-ah-to,’ she sang them so they all sounded the same. “You say potato, I say potato. You say tomato, I say tomato” just misses something, don’t you think? You can tell she had never listened to this song. I wonder how likely it was that she got the part. . . .

This next incident is a personal favorite. I overheard this conversation while working in a college cafeteria during my university days. Let me set the scene: the participants of this verbal exchange were two college-aged girls and a young man. The boy and one of the girls obviously liked each other and wanted to impress one another. In the course of their conversation, the liked girl remarked, “I’ve always said, ‘The eyes are the window to the soul.’”
“Wow, that’s deep,” the awed boy responded.
The third girl ventured, “Umm, I think the president, or someone important said that. . . .”
The liked girl snapped, “Well, he got it from me, then, because I have always said it!”
I nearly bit through my lower lip, I was working so hard to fight back a laugh.
End of conversation.
Post Script: My friends and I looked up the source of this quote. It has been traced back at least as far as Joan of Arc.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. Each of us knows people who have amazing talents we wish we could master. It is easy to compare our weakness with their strengths, and find ourselves wanting. For some reason, the more visible the difference from the perceived “norm,” the more likely it is to be labeled a “disability.”

I’ve never understood this insistence on pigeon-holing others–or ourselves. I know we need to make sense of our world, but why do we insist on smacking labels on everyone and everything? Does it start in grade school as sides are chosen, or much much earlier? Whatever it spawns from, it seems wrong to me to put others down for being different. Why can’t focus on the strengths we each possess rather than pointing to the differences? I can not say it better than the Greek philosopher, Plato: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”